So last night I finally sat down and watched Oprah from the other day. My sister Amber has been telling me that I need to watch it. Joe got dinner, I got some dinner, and we both sat down to eat and I started it. I LOVED it, seriously, I think they made that show about me. I can relate to sooooo many things on the show, and it gave me such a lift to know that I am NOT alone in the way I feel. Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom! I would never change it and I love my girls more than anything in this world!!!! I was just so happy to hear that other moms feel the same way I do--I am always so overwhelmed, I put everyone else first, and honestly I really don't know who "Mandy" is anymore. That part of me is long gone....if I had time by myself I would not know what to do, there is no more me, it's just always mommy. I can't go anywhere and not think in mommy mode. Even time away with my husband is all spent thinking about the kids and feeling so guilty that I left them with someone else. I have issues with leaving my kids with others. I always feel like it is such a burden to others and they are my responsibility and I need to just keep them and never do anything for me. I have come to realize now that I am really suffering because I am not taking any time for me. Joe told me actually less than a week ago that I always make sure he and the kids have what they need, and that everyone else around me has everything that they need, but I am killing myself over making sure that everyone has everything they need and I need to take care of ME first. No wonder I am on prozac, it keeps me sane, LOL! So anyway, I was so happy to watch the show and realize that I am not alone, and it IS OKAY to feel frustrated and just want to step out on the porch and scream at the top of my lungs some days. I need to take time for ME and not feel guilty about it. Now I just have to figure out where to start because honestly I am not sure there is a "ME" underneath mommy, lol. I just loved Oprah, and if you have it recorded but have not watched it yet and are a mom, go watch it! It gave me a boost that I really really needed!!!! :)
Now I am going to try to catch up on my blog, I am so behind things never seem to slow down at my house it's just one thing to the next to the next to the next. One day I think I might be able to slow down and take a breath! Until then.... :)
You do need to find Mandy again and do things for you!!!!! Its ok to let your guard down and just be you! I hope that it will get better for you and not so hard really soon! You are a great mom and everyone appreciates all you do, but you need to stick up for Mandy too!!!!
ReplyDeleteMandy, I have to tell you that I look up to you as a Mommy. You are one of the most beautiful, thoughtful, talented people I have ever met in my entire life. I think being a Mommy is hard and we never ever take enough time for us to just nurture ourselves and find our passions. To really know who we are outside of being a Mommy and a wife.
ReplyDeleteThe part of your blog about not wanting to leave your kids anywhere, I can totally relate to. I don't know about you, but I am worries sick about them. Both if they are being good and if everything is ok. It's tough. But I think we are raising great kids and hopefully no one will end up in therapy because we didn't 'leave' them with other people enough:)
You are loved and fabulous. Please remember that on your 'Coulda..Woulda..Shoulda' days.
I didn't see that. I wish I had! You do need to make time for yourself. Even if it's just to leave the kids with your husband for a day while you go shopping or get your hair done. I do that once in a while, and it makes me feel so much better! I don't leave my kids much either-unless it's with their dad. Being a mom can be very hard, I worry that when they grow up and don't need me anymore, I won't know what do with myself. If your feeling overwhelmed, sometimes it's ok to say NO too. (like when some pesky person keeps asking for help with photography, don't be afraid to say "I just don't have time")
ReplyDeleteYou are a great mom! Don't forget that.